Merry Christmas!

Hope you all had a fantastic day x

Little ones..

My friend Ani took some gorgeous photos of Henry, Sophie and me a few weeks ago. They turned out beautifully don't you think?

If you are looking for an amazing photographer in Perth you can find Ani's website here.

x

8 Weeks

I can't believe that little Henry is 8 weeks old already! He is such a wonderful little baby.. so happy and sleeping so well at night. He is sleeping about 8 hours straight most nights, which is almost unbelievable to me as Sophie was still waking up two or three times a night when she was 9 months old!

Sophie is starting to settle down a bit. She is still a bit of a terror at the moment but with Henry sleeping so well I feel that I am able to cope with her behaviour a bit more (everything is so much harder when you are sleep deprived!)

We are still spending most of our days at home and trying not to venture out too far. Walking Sophie to school or visiting a friend who lives nearby is as far as I go most days. I wish that I could say that I have been busy making delicious things in the kitchen and pottering around in the garden, but the reality is that trying to have a shower, organise something for dinner and keep the house from looking like a complete mess takes up majority of my day.

(Does anyone else feel like they spend their entire life cleaning up? Sometimes I only just finish the dishes from lunch and it's time to start making dinner! Someone told me the other day that cleaning a house with kids is like trying to brush your teeth with a mouth full of Oreos! Haha.. it's so true!)

I have a new found respect for my friends that have two or more kids -it is hard, but at the same time I would not change it for the world!

6 weeks

Henry is 6 weeks old.
It feels like he has been here forever. My days of bedrest feel like a lifetime ago but at the same time the last 6 weeks have flown by.

I am not going to lie, the last months has been a little difficult at times. Not because I am finding it hard having a newborn and dealing with sleepless nights (Henry is an absolute sweetheart!), but because Sophie has turned into an absolute rat-bag!

She has become the most difficult and disobedient little thing I have ever seen! I completely understand that it is a normal reaction to having a new sibling and that it must be extra hard for a little girl who has had her parents all to herself for almost 5 years (not to mention the fact that we moved house and changed her school just 2 weeks before Henry was born so there has been alot of big changes for the poor girl).

I am embarrassed to admit that instead of being patient and understanding towards her, I have turned into one of those mums that just bark orders at their kid and I have never yelled at her so much in my whole life! I have lost my cool more times than I would like to admit. I know that what she needs is more time alone with me and a little bit of understanding, but I have found it hard to remember that when she is throwing books at my head while I am trying to feed Henry. (Not joking).

All I can say is thank god the school holidays are over!

Of course it's not all 'nightmare-child' and 'cranky-pants mum' around here.. There are plenty of lovely moments and Sophie is getting better and better everyday (adjusting to life with a little brother I guess)..
She does adore Henry and often almost suffocates him with cuddles!

Here is a photo to prove it..

08/09

These photos were taken just moments after Henry was born.
(Look at that gorgeous slimy, wrinkled little baby!)
I love the look on my face in the second photo.. the absolute joy and relief that after everything we have been through, he is finally here... our little boy!
I love him so much.

Sophie and Henry!

Henry is 18 days old now.
I still can't actually believe that he is finally here!

We are doing well.. just trying to take it as easy as possible and spending our days at home pottering around. I'm quite sleep deprived and surviving on copious cups of tea during the day, but that's to be expected with a 2 week old!
Sophie has started her new school which is just down the street from our new house and I'm still mastering the art of getting out the door with two little ones. She has been 45 minutes late for school every day this week, but practice makes perfect I guess!

We still have no internet at the new house which is why I have not been posting as often as usual (well, that and the fact that I am too busy staring at Henry instead of the computer screen!) but hopefully I'll be able to post 1000 pictures of him shortly..

A baby boy!!!

He is finally here!
Little 'Henry Porter' was born on Saturday 8th September.
He is absoloutly adorable and we are all completely in love.

x

Date night and news

-Well, baby boy has still not arrived.. We can't believe it! I never, ever thought I would make it to 38 weeks.. Even my obstetrician can't believe it! But any day now I guess.

-We are all moved into our new house. We are surrounded by boxes and piles and piles of stuff in every room, but we are slowly getting through the boxes and having lots of fun setting up house.
(It's actually quite good that baby boy is taking his time because every extra day gives us a little more time to set up the house).

-Moving house at 38 weeks pregnant is hard work but at least I am allowed to be up on my feet now.

-Tom and I went on a date last week. It was the first time we had been out at night together for more than a year! We went to see the ACO perform Beethoven's 'Ode to joy', which I thought was an appropriate outing for two people who have so much to celebrate at the moment.

-We have no internet connected at the new house which is why I have been off line for the last week or so, but of course I will update you all as soon as baby boy decides to make an appearance!

This is Perth. In Winter.

Can you believe that we have been to the beach the last 2 weekends.. Sophie even went swimming.
It's supposed to be Winter!

P.s Still waiting patiently for baby to arrive!

What a week..

Whoa.. It has been a very busy week!
We officially became proud first home owners on Monday. We picked up the keys an hour after settlement and went and had a picnic on the floor of our new (and empty) home. My gosh, I can not wait till we move in!
On Wednesday we moved all our furniture (that had been sitting in storage for the last 18 months) into the house and the plan is to spend this weekend unpacking and setting up the house so that we can move straight in as soon as baby arrives.

And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one week.. this morning I went and had my cervical stitch removed. I can't tell you how relieved I am to have made it to this point and how exciting it is to be so close to meeting this little man. (I will be 37 weeks on Saturday).
I went from 0 to 3cm dilated within 10 seconds of the stitch being removed. Apparently about 90% of women go into labour within 24 hours.. I have had contractions on and off all day and my doctor thinks I will be back at the hospital pretty soon.
I was so excited last night (and a little nervous) that I could hardly sleep.
The hospital bag is packed, the grandparents are on call..

And now.. we just wait! Eek!

(This photo was taken at 33 weeks.. I can't believe my belly is even bigger now. and my face is even rounder!)

Approaching life..

I am really looking forward to having a blog that is actually full of delicious homemade food, pictures of all the delicious veggies we grow in the garden and post after post of all the pretty things I make on my sewing machine.

I am not sure if it because I am feeling so incredibly lucky at the moment or if it was the 5 months of full bed rest that did it, but for some reason I am feeling so motivated to approach life with absolute energy and passion at the moment.

I keep imagining life in our new house, with our new gorgeous baby and me.. unlike I have ever been before.. A new version of 'me' that is organised and motivated and has a new passion for life and motherhood and creating a wonderful loving home. Someone who shops at the local farmers markets and cooks delicious homemade meals from scratch, spends her time gardening and sewing and being absorbed in every moment with her kids. Someone who has the laundry sorted and the house clean and has time to bake muffins before playgroup in the morning. I imagine dancing around the house at 5pm with my kids laughing and happy and having fun because I will have prepared dinner at 10am instead of thinking about what to make at 6.45pm. I will be a better mother, a better wife and a better friend.

But then reality sets in..

I will be tired. Really tired. I will have a newborn. I will have a 4 year old who has to deal with moving house, changing schools and getting a new sibling all in the same month. I will have a husband that now takes an hour to get home from work instead of 10 minutes. I will be really out of shape after spending majority of the last 9 months in bed and I will probably spend most of the day in my pyjamas..

But you know what? I am okay with that. I'm more than okay with that..

I am going to spend every second just savouring that newborn goodness while eating take away in a house that resembles a junk yard. I am going to sit there with a smile on my face and hope that the motivation to make my life look like a pinterest board is still there in 6 months time!

Yeah!

These are some of my favourite photos from Instagram.. You can follow me on Instagram if you like (@grow_cook_sew) as I may be a bit sporadic in posting over the next few weeks (You know.. moving house and having a baby and all!)

Thirty four weeks..

I can not believe I have made it to 34 weeks.. Tom and I have literally spent the last 7 months dreaming and hoping every single day that I would make it this far.. and here we are!

I just can not wait to meet this little baby. I feel so incredible grateful that he will be with us soon. I actually feel like he could cry and scream and keep me awake all night and I won't complain a single bit because I know how lucky I am to have him.

Not long to go now..

A baby sprinkle..

I had a little party on the weekend to celebrate the fact that I had made it to 34 weeks and that I survived months of bed rest. I also just wanted an excuse to catch up with all my girlfriends, many whom I had not seen since I fell pregnant.

Tom spent the entire morning cleaning the house and baking. He made his signature flour-less chocolate cake, my favourite mandarin, lime and yoghurt cake and a few other yummy treats.
Tom's mum made an orange and almond cake (she makes one for us almost every time we head up to the farm.. she picks the oranges off the tree in the morning and boils them for hours before using them to make the cake.. It is so good, I'll make sure I grab the recipe off her next time I see her).

We spent the afternoon chatting, drinking tea and eating cake. It was so lovely and of course, I got absolutely spoilt with gorgeous baby gifts. I didn't have a baby shower with Sophie (I always felt it was a bit self-indulgent) but this time around I felt that I had so much to celebrate that an afternoon of eating cake was necessary!

Unfortunately though, I didn't manage to take any photos which is such a shame because Tom had been to the flower markets in the morning and the whole place (including the table setting) looked so lovely. I did however, take this photo the next day when we were still eating cake (well actually, Tom is sugar free at the moment, so I took it upon myself to finish the entire cake on my own! Oops!)

Thirty three

33 weeks! Not quite sure what was so interesting up in the sky!

Home sweet home..

Here are the photos I promised of our new place! We settle in just under a month but when we actually move in will depend on when this little baby decides to arrive. (It's going to be a crazy few weeks when we have a baby and move house at the same time but I promise I will not complain a single bit!)

Tom and I had our heart set on buying a weatherboard house with wooden floorboards inside, a decent kitchen, a bit of space outside for kids to run around and room to build a little veggie patch. We had been researching different areas around Perth and prices since we moved here over a year ago so we had a pretty good idea of what we wanted.
Although I have to admit that while this house ticked all our boxes, it's not the type of house I thought we would end up buying.. Tom and I both really love old rambling places with overgrown gardens and lots of character. We both found this house a bit too "clean" and we were devastated to learn that the house used to have about 4 beautiful mature gum trees in the garden that had been pulled out before it was renovated.
But, we decided that buying a simple, clean house provides the perfect canvas to create the type of home we want from scratch. We can't wait to cover the walls in artworks and have a garden full of trees and veggies and do all those little things that will help turn this house into a home.
(The first thing I am going to do though is remove those ridiculous letters from above the bathtub!)

On the home stretch now..

I had an appointment with my obstetrician yesterday and it looks like this little baby might be arriving sooner rather than later, of course its impossible to predict these things but judging by the ultrasound I had and the contractions I have been having, it looks like things are getting ready to happen.

I will be 32 weeks tomorrow which is over the really risky stage but could still mean up to two months in neonatal care if this little man does decide to come now, so we are really hoping that he stays put for another month at least.

I have to go into hospital tomorrow to have steroid injections to help speed up his lung development. I'm a little nervous as I don't particularly like the thought of giving steroids to an unborn baby, and am a little worried about the (unknown) long term effects of un-naturally speeding up development. But like many other decisions I have made in this pregnancy, I have learnt to accept that science and medicine sometimes do have a (very valuable) place in pregnancy and childbirth. I also trust my obstetrician that this is going to give our baby the best possible chance if he does decide to come early.

In other news, Sophie has been on school holidays for the last two weeks (which may explain why this baby might come early.. it's impossible to lie in bed 24 hours a day with a 4 year old running around!)
I have had such a lovely time with her, she is really starting to turn into a proper little person. Watching her learn to read and write is so exciting and I can see her growing up more and more each day.
She is so excited about having a little brother and I know she is going to be such a great big sister.
Very exciting times ahead..

Life is happening

I have struggled to find the time or energy to write a post lately. My life is completely preoccupied with the imminent arrival of our little boy and moving into our new home which are due to happen within a week of each other! I have been so busy trying to get organised but still trying to rest as much as possible.

I also feel like I have nothing to write at the moment because all I can tell you is how happy I am, and I fear I might start to get awfully boring if I keep going on and on about how things are finally falling into place for us (but seriously.. being weeks away from holding the baby that we have been longing for for years and buying our first home just seems unbelievable to me! I can't believe that the things we have spent soo long working towards are almost here.. it's so incredibly exciting).

On that note, I'll leave you with a picture of the cutest little French baby shoes..

x

Hello stranger

I love that when I go a week or so without writing a post I get emails from total strangers asking me if everything is alright. (So sweet.. Thank you!)

Everything is going really well, as I said in my last post.. better than ever! I can't believe that we are so close to having a place to call home AND a little baby! (Although it's a little scary when these things are so, so close but you are not quite there yet).

I have been so busy all week trying to organise everything to make our dream house turn into a reality (Building inspections, wood ant inspections etc. etc.) but we are now just waiting for the bank to give us the green light and hopefully they will! (I've been preying to the mortgage gods all week!)

I also reached 30 weeks yesterday which feels like such a huge milestone.. I am finally starting to get out of bed for an hour or so each day and it feels so good to be back in the world again! I managed to get a hair cut (for the first time in almost a year) and make a very quick stop at the local fabric store last week.. both things that I have been dreaming of doing for months.

I wanted to post a photo of my belly to show you all but Tom was busy cooking dinner (and making the most delicious pears poached in red wine for desert), I didn't want to disturb him so I asked Sophie to take a photo for me..

This is what I ended up with.. Either she is a brilliant, creative photographer in the making or just can't manage to hold my phone still enough.. I'm going to go with creative genius!

Our new home!

Less than a week after this house turned out to be a dud, another beautiful house popped up just around the corner. We went to inspect it on Monday night with Tom's dad, mum and step-dad. We put an offer in on Tuesday and yesterday found out that the owners had accepted our offer!!

I can't believe it.. This is the first house we have ever bought and the first time we had ever put an offer in. Lots of our friends had warned us that finding the right home takes months or even years of putting in offers and being knocked back.. So we were so incredibly happy (and a little in shock) to find out that our offer had been accepted and the house is (almost) ours!

I've been told that I can't celebrate just yet.. Our offer has been accepted and we have put a deposit down but until the conditions of the offer have been met and settlement occurs I can't technically call it ours, but I think that we can still pop open a little champagne (or orange juice in my case!)

I can't even begin to tell you how much of a dream come true this house is.. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would ever live in a house like this, let alone own it! I was lying in bed last night looking through the pictures of our new place (I'll post some more photos soon) and as I was lying there I could feel our little baby boy kicking in my tummy..

For the first time in a very, very long time I finally feel like life is going our way.. things are falling into place and all the stress and heartbreak of the last few years is finally starting to fade.

12 months ago we were living out of a suitcase at Tom's parents place, had just moved to a city where I didn't know a single person, were still in shock over the death of our baby girl, didn't have a cent to our names (in fact, we were in debt) and the only thing that I could think about was why I was not falling pregnant again and how I desperately longed for a little baby..

To be sitting (well, lying) here now, 28 weeks pregnant, which is over the risky stage and so close to having a healthy little baby in my arms and having just had our offer accepted on our dream house is an incredible feeling. I can't even begin to tell you how good it feels.

We may still be living with Tom's parents but it has allowed us to save up for this house and have help around while I have been on bed rest.. and it will all be so worth it.. In just a few months time we will be sitting in our new home with our darling little baby boy safely in my arms and our gorgeous little girl running around in a garden that is bigger than most of the apartments we have ever lived in!!

We are so, so close..

Maternity clothes

If I had unlimited funds (and lived in a trendy apartment in New York) I would have bought the entire Hatch maternity collection and called it a day. Unfortunately though, I can't afford to spend $380 on a maternity dress, and come to think of it, I'm not sure I would even if I did have the money!

It was easy when I was pregnant with Sophie as it was the middle of summer and maxi-dresses had just come into fashion. I don't think I bought a single piece of maternity clothing the entire pregnancy.
This time though, it is the middle of winter and most of my long sleeve tops and jumpers stopped fitting me about 3 months ago so I have had to stock up on a few basic maternity pieces.

I really don't like maternity clothes.. I find them so ridiculously overpriced and most of them are so ugly. I had quite a hard time finding decent basics so I thought I would share a couple of my finds with you.. and of course, all of these websites deliver to your home!

'Trimester' black maternity leggings from Queen Bee.
One of the best things I have bought. They have loads of stretch around the waistband and sit comfortably under your belly. I literally live in these!

Maternity jeans from ASOS.
These are the best maternity jeans I have found at a decent price. They fit really well and come in a good range of colours/ styles.

Basic long sleeve maternity tops from Next Direct.
These are the cheapest maternity tops I have found.. and surprisingly, they best fitting ones. They are nice and long and 100% cotton.

I have found the rest of my maternity wardrobe from places like Cotton On, Sussan and other similar stores. I have found some really cheap over-sized t-shirts, jumpers and cardigans that all fit nicely over my bump.

Usually when buying clothes I am happy to spend more money to buy something that is hand-made or Australian-made or organic rather than something that is cheap and won't last, but with maternity clothes I just tried to find things that were cheap and comfortable as I will only be wearing them for a few months.

Let me know if you have any other good maternity finds...

27 weeks

Despite my serious face in this photo, I am feeling pretty good at the moment!
Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks which is a huge milestone for us as the whole way through this pregnancy my obstetrician has said "you just need to get to 28 weeks" and here we are! We made it!

Of course, we are aiming for a healthy full term little boy but if I did go into labour early we have a good chance of everything turning out okay now that we have got to this point.

I was also told that from this point onwards I am allowed to start getting out of bed a bit.. but when I saw my obstetrician last week he told me I should wait till 32 weeks before I start getting out of bed.. The sneaky man, I'm sure he does that on purpose! (You know.. tells patients that they can get up from 28 weeks and then when they get there he says "Oh actually I meant 32 weeks". I wonder if I will get to 32 weeks and he will say 36 weeks?!)

Anyways.. we are on the home stretch now! Feeling very excited and a little more relaxed.

Expectations -the age gap

I can remember when I fell pregnant with Grace in 2010 (and had already had two miscarriages and taken longer to fall pregnant than expected) I would complain to friends about how the age gap between Sophie and baby number 2 would be so big (it would have been three and a half years if Grace had survived).
It seems ridiculous to me now that I used to complain about the age gap back then -as the age gap between our kids will now be almost 5 years.

It's taken me a long time to come to terms with what the age gap will be between our kids, and it's not because I believe there is a 'right' age gap at all, I can see the benefits of having kids close together and far apart. The thing that has bothered me so much is that I had expected to have kids close together and the hard thing has been learning to adjust to the way that life turned out rather than how I expected it to be.

We started trying for another baby when Sophie was a 1 year old and sometimes I can't believe that here we are, all these years later still waiting for another (living) baby to arrive. It was so hard for me to watch everyone else go on to have baby number two and even baby number three while I was still desperately trying to fall pregnant or stay pregnant. I felt sorry for Sophie because she wanted a little brother or sister so badly and although I knew I was lucky to have her, I really felt like I was being left behind. Especially after I fell pregnant so easily with Sophie, it was such a shock when it became so, so difficult the second time around.

I know that there will be so many benefits to having such a big gap between kids.. Sophie will be able to help with so many things and because she will be at school full time next year I will have so much one-on-one time with the little man.  I know that it will be great and I am not worried about the age gap anymore, but before I fell pregnant it was crazy how it use to eat me up inside. I sometimes laugh when people tell me how many kids they are going to have or what age-gap they plan on having because I have learnt that sometimes we just have no control over these things at all.

I guess at the end of the day you love the kids you end up with so much that you can't imagine life any other way.



*Photo of Sophie - who has had enough of photos!

Home grown

Just before we moved to Perth, Tom, Sophie and I lived in a house with a veggie patch in the garden and we had just got to the point where we were eating food from our own garden on a daily basis.
I loved the satisfaction I got from growing veggies at home and there was something so nice about walking out to the garden and pulling a lettuce from the dirt just moments before you are going to eat it.

As much as I can't wait to move into our own house so we have our own space again, I am really looking forward to growing our own veggies again. In the meantime, I am lucky that Tom's mum and step-mum both have amazing veggie patches and are regularly donating produce to our fridge!

Trashed

Doesn't this documentary look brilliant (and scary!)

Looks can be deceiving..

I have spent the last few days imagining my days spent here, on the veranda of our new house that overlooks the park across the street and the local kindergarten.. but it's not going to be I'm afraid.

An inspection of the property with Tom's dad (who has spent the last 30 years restoring old weatherboard houses) revealed that while the house certainly looks pretty, the current owners have done a really cheap and crummy job of renovating the property. They have obviously renovated to try and sell for a premium price but it has been done with no love or thought whatsoever.

The worst thing is that the entire house has been covered with fake plastic weatherboard and the old weatherboard underneath was just left raw and untreated. While it certainly looked pretty on the outside and provided a quick and cheap fix, it means that eventually that old weatherboard underneath will start to rot and we will be in for a huge bill to replace it in 5 years time.

This was just one of a very long list of things that had been done in a quick cover-up kind of way and would have caused us a lot of time and money to fix down the track. It is obviously really disappointing as it would have been the most perfect home for us (4 bedrooms, huge new kitchen, wooden floors, lots of light, a fireplace that worked, a studio out the back and across the road from the local school and a park.. Agh!) But at the end of the day we don't want to pay a premium price for a dodgy renovation that we will have to fix ourselves over the next few years.

I'm a little sad as I had spent the last few days imagining how every piece of our furniture will fit into the new house and all the things I could do to turn it onto a home, but I am confident that something else will pop up and that it will be even more perfect and hopefully, done with a little more love.

So the search goes on... but you know what? That's okay.
Sometimes I think that we will be so happy once we have this little baby that it won't matter where we live.. we could live in a cardboard box and we would be content just because our little boy arrived into the world safely. If we do happen to find the perfect house as well? Well, I think I will feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

Dream house

When we lived in Sydney the idea of buying a house was a fantasy.. one that we thought might become possible in 10 years time when I was back at work and Tom's salary had doubled (wishful thinking), but like many of our friends, Tom and I had accepted that buying a house was not an option for us and resigned ourselves to be (apartment) renters for the foreseeable future.

When we moved to Perth early last year we planed to stay with Tom's dad (in the most gorgeous house that Tom had grown up in- see here) for a few weeks while we looked for somewhere to rent. After a couple of weeks looking around it became clear to us that the amount we would be paying in rent would be pretty close to having a mortgage. We spoke to the bank and realised that a small mortgage was not out of our reach at all.

The only problem was that we didn't have a deposit saved, so we decided we would stay with Tom's dad for 6 months while we put away as much money as we possibly could. (Luckily, it's a seven bedroom house so there was plenty of room for us to settle in).

It was only a few months later that we found out that the next time I fell pregnant I would have to be on full bed rest. We had only just lost Grace shortly before moving to Perth and were already desperately trying to fall pregnant again. We decided that we would stay with Tom's dad (and Tom's little sister) until I fell pregnant and while I was on bed rest as we would need SO much help once I was sentenced to 6 months in bed!

The plan would work out quite well as we would spent the whole time saving a deposit and by the time I was due to give birth we would be more than ready to buy our first home. Living with Tom's dad was easy.. we get on really well and he lives in the most beautiful suburb with the local primary school across the road and a beautiful lake about 50m from the front door (the same primary school that Tom went to as a kid and the same park that Tom played in as a child). Because Tom had grown up in the same house he felt right at home, I made lots of friends in the local area and Sophie thought that going to the same school that her dad went to was the best thing ever.

What we did not plan on is the fact that 12 months later I would still be TRYING to fall pregnant. (and that our lives were literally 'on hold' until I did).

Of course, as you all know, I finally did fall pregnant and here I am 4 months through bed rest.
It means that we will have been living with Tom's dad for almost 2 years by the time we move out. (So much for a few weeks!!)

There are days when I long for our own house, our own space and to finally have all our stuff out of storage but I am lucky that I get on with Tom's parents so well and that we have had the opportunity to save some money and live with family while I am on bed rest (and require so much help). In a funny kind of way it worked out quite well. (Well, hopefully it will when, at the end of this year, we have a beautiful little baby boy and are settled in our own home.. I feel like Tom and I won't know ourselves anymore.. it will be like all the stress of the past few years will be lifted off our shoulders).

Yesterday, our dream house popped up in the suburb we have been looking at and at the right price. It's opposite a park, 5 minutes walk from the local primary school with wooden floor boards and lots of light. Plus there is a little studio out the back.. perfect for fulfilling my ultimate fantasy.. a sewing room! (See above.. isn't she pretty?!)

I called the bank straight away. Tom is telling me not to get my hopes up to high as it is the first  house we have seriously considered and to be honest, the timing is not quite right (it would have to sit there empty until I have this baby) but...

It's pretty exciting none the less. For someone who has never lived in a house that was 'my own' (my parents could never afford to buy and we moved about 10 times in 15 years because we were in government housing) it's so exciting to be so close to finally living in a place that I can really call 'home'.

Hey big spender

I have to admit that I have been doing a bit of online shopping while on bed rest. The majority has been for the little man (and I plan to do a post about all the cute little things I have bought him soon) but every so often the postman arrives with something exciting for me.

The funny thing is that despite my online spending sprees (not really!) we are still saving much more money every week than what we used to just because I am on bed rest. It's amazing how a coffee with friends, a magazine, picking up lunch from the local bakery to eat at the playground etc. etc. all used to add up so quickly.
If you are trying to save money I can highly recommend locking yourself in your bedroom for 6 months!
Just don't bring your laptop!

Here are some of the things that I have bought in the past few weeks..

Dress from Gorman.
Burts Bees 'Mama Bee Belly Balm' from Adore Beauty.
Sandals from Topshop. (Yes, I know it's winter here.. but I could not resist!)
Jacket from Topshop.

On getting dressed.. Or not.

Ever since Sophie was old enough to talk (and maybe even before then) she has had very strong opinions about how she is going to dress.

The problem is that every morning has become an absolute struggle.. multiple outfit changes, tantrums, the entire contents of her wardrobe emptied across her bedroom floor and sometimes even after an hour of trying to get her dressed we are still no closer to getting her out the door.

While I am happy than my little girl has a strong sense of what she likes and does not like, I have no idea where this behaviour originated from.. I like nice clothes as much as the rest of us, but I usually throw on the first clean thing I find (which is usually jeans, a stripy top and my converse) and don't give it a second thought. I have no idea how she became so obsessed with clothes and how she looks and it does worry me a little.

A few nights ago she had a tantrum because her "pyjamas looked silly". I explained to her that it did not matter what her pyjamas looked like as she would be tucked up in her bed all night and the most important thing is that they are warm and cosy.. no-one cares what your pyjamas look like! But she was not convinced and that is what worries me.. how did this little girl learn to place so much value on how she looks? Is this something she will grow out of or is it the beginning of lifelong belief that our physical looks define our worth as a person (my gosh I hope not!)

I should add here that while we often tell Sophie that she looks lovely or how gorgeous she is (if you have a little girl it's impossible not too),  but we have always been very careful not to emphasise it too much and we are always trying to encourage self-worth based on non-physical attributes, such as "we were very proud of how well you played with your friends today at the park, Well done!" or "I really love this painting you did at school today, Can you tell me more about it?" (I'm reading a book at the moment about adding open ended questions onto the end of a statement when praising children.. but that's a post for another time).

Aside from what ever worries I have about my daughter's sense of self-worth, it's really the stress of each morning that is becoming a problem. We have tried choosing an outfit together the night before, we have tried laying out 3 possible (weather appropriate) choices and asking her to choose one, we have tried everything short of putting locks on her wardrobe!

And on the days when she manages to choose an outfit and get dressed without any complaining, you can be assured that an hour later she will be found up in her room.. getting changed again! (And again at lunch time, and again before going to the park, and again before dinner.. No wonder Tom feels like he spends his whole life doing laundry!)

Technology is amazing..

Last week at the ultrasound we got this amazing picture of the little man inside my belly.
It always blows me away what technology can do these days.

I remember we got the same '3D' ultrasound when I was pregnant with Sophie (back then you had to go to a special '3D ultrasound' place) and they could not get a proper picture because she was upside-down and facing backwards..
We ended up with a pretty scary looking picture of a baby with a very squashed face and I was quite sad afterwards because I was worried that we were going to have a very funny lookin' baby. (How silly is that!)

Of course, she came out as the sweetest and most perfect little thing, so I know now not to pay too much attention to how these ultrasounds can sometimes look a little scary.. it's still so exciting to get a glimpse of life in-utero!

Relief

It always amazes me how life can be so good one day and feel so hopeless the next or vice-versa.

I had a really bad week this week. I was anxiously waiting for an ultrasound that we had yesterday and had been experiencing some really bad tightenings/ contractions and a terrible lower back ache.. I was so worried that I was going into labour and it really could not have been at a worse time because at 24 weeks gestation most babies who are born (and survive) are left with terrible brain damage and are usually blind and deaf.

(It's actually amazing how a baby born at 24 weeks has so little chance of survival and by 28 weeks most babies not only survive but grow up without any long term side effects/ health problems.. Every single day matters at this point).

But luckily, our ultrasound yesterday showed a beautiful healthy little boy and a cervix that is still very long and closed.. no sign of any problems at all!

I can't tell you what relief it was to hear them say "long and closed". It's funny how my whole world now revolves around the length of my cervix!

So.. just a few more weeks and we will be over the scary part! And after my ultrasound yesterday, we are feeling very confident that we will get there..

3 more weeks!! Come on!

*This is a photo of a shadow that came into my bedroom yesterday through my square sunlight?! How cool is that!

la petit magazine

If you like pictures of super pretty kids wearing clothes you can't afford..
Then check out the latest issue of 'la petit magazine'.

(I'm only joking.. I do love this online kids magazine).

*Photo via 'la petit magazine'

twenty three weeks

Most of the time I am surprised how easy bed rest has been, as in, I am able to keep myself busy during the day and other than being very sore physically, I don't have much to complain about..
But, every so often I have a really bad day. A day when I feel like I am going out-of-my-mind-crazy and if I have to spend a second longer in this bloody bed I am going to scream.
I wonder if this is what it feels like to be in jail? I am like a prisoner of my own bed room.

Sophie is having a really hard time at the moment too. She is starting to get really frustrated that I am in bed all day. Sometimes she falls to the floor next to the bed and wails "why mummy? Can't you please just get out of bed?" and she is getting so sick of being shifted to different friends, family and babysitters every day of the week. A few days ago one of my friends actually had to pry her arms from around my neck in order to take her for a playdate. And these are friends and family that she would have jumped at the chance to go play with just a few months ago.

Obviously, poor little Sophie is in desperate need of some more mummy/ home time, and while we spend every evening together reading stories before she goes to bed it's impossible for me to look after her during the day unless there is someone else here to get her food and help her with things.

Luckily though, we are so close to getting through this!
In just 6 more weeks I'll be able to do so much more.. I'll be able to eat meals at the table with everyone else (woo hoo!), I suspect that I will be able to mind Sophie myself because I'll be able to get out of bed to make her lunch (very quickly) and my obstetrician said that even a quick trip to the local park is not out of the question (as long as Tom drives me there and I don't walk too far).
I can not wait!

And of course, I just have to keep reminding myself why I am here lying in bed all day and what I am going to get at the end.. Can you imagine the second I get to hold my healthy little (alive!) boy in my arms?

My gosh.. it's going to be absolutely incredible!




*Photo of me on my way to my obstetrician a few days ago.. it's the only time that I am allowed out of bed and I literally count down the hours days until my next appointment. It is soo good to go outside!

Play time

I forgot all about this stage.. it was not so fun at the time (who has time to give their kid three baths a day?) but it is fun to look at photos years later..