six

Our little (big) girl turned six yesterday. I can not believe that we now have a six year old!
I've never been one to get too emotional on birthdays.. I usually don't find them any more sentimental than any other day but for some reason I felt very emotional yesterday as I watched Sophie blow out the candles on her cake.

Six is such a big age. I am constantly surprised at how independent and grown-up Sophie already is.
She is no longer a little girl. Sob.

Happy birthday Sophie!

48/52

"A portrait of my children once a week, every week"

Sophie: Best friends are awesome!
Henry: This little boy.. what a little sweetheart!

Playing along with Jodi's '52' project

47/52

"a portrait of my children once a week, every week"

Sophie: At the fair with her cousin Ella
Henry: A (very) rare quiet moment. This little man is usually go, go, go!

Playing along with Jodi's '52' project. Do you play too?

46/52

"A portrait of my children once a week, every week"

Sophie: Playing in the sprinkler on a hot afternoon up at the farm. I can't believe she will turn six in just over a month.

Henry: Baby's favourite game? Peek-a-boo!

Playing along with Jodi's '52' project.

45/52

"a portrait of my children once a week, every week" 

Sophie: Her personality is so much like mine it's scary. Apparently not being a morning person is genetic.

Henry: His words now include; muma, dada, dog, book, door, hi, bye and yum. He makes us smile every day.

Playing along with Jodi's 52 project.

the pigeon pair

I've been thinking lately about having another baby. Well, not so much about having another baby, but if we will have another baby.. or not.

I always thought we would have another baby one day. Even though after Henry was born I said "I am never doing that again!" I quickly changed my mind once the memory of the birth faded away. But in the last few weeks, I have found myself for the first time, wondering if maybe two is enough for us.

It's funny because during the last year Henry has been a terrible sleeper.. I have barely managed to make it though each day, yet throughout all that time I was still sure that we would do it all again one day.
It was about a month ago that Henry finally started sleeping a bit better and around the same time I wondered, for the first time, if we could actually do it all again. The idea of having another baby became a "maybe" not a "definitely" when people asked. It's almost like things finally started to get a bit easier.. I could see the light at the end of the sleep-deprivation tunnel and I thought.. "I'm not sure if I could do that again".

Some people (like my mum) are shocked that we would even consider having another child. You see.. it's not quite as simple for us as it is for other people (I would need another cervical suture and would possibly be on bed-rest again) not to mention the trouble we have had even falling pregnant.
The other consideration is that I'm just not sure if I could do it all again.. Physically or mentally!
Having babies (the pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights and breastfeeding) seem to leave me feeling like a shell of my former self.. I'm becoming more bedraggled by the day I think!

There is also the environmental point of view that the world is becoming overpopulated and we all need to have less kids not more. My mum is a big believer of this view (even though she popped out half a football team herself! But I guess things were different back then).
I always thought that it was better to have three kids who were brought up to be environmentally conscious than one kids brought up as a thoughtless consumer with no consideration for the environment but I don't know.. maybe my mum is right? (They usually are aren't they?!)

But of course, the amount of joy that babies bring is incomparable and kids really do fill the house with joy (most of the time). Luckily, Tom is happy either way.. he would be happy if we stopped at two and equally happy to have another.. so the ball is really in my court.
I guess that I'm lucky I have time on my side and I don't have to make the decision right this moment.. I can wait and see how I feel in a year or so.

So tell me.. How many kids do you have? How did you know when your family was complete? I'd love to know!

44/52

"A portrait of my children once a week, every week"

Sophie. Henry. That's all.

Playing along with Jodi's 52 project.

Do you play too?

43/52

"A portrait of my children once a week, every week"

Sophie: She seems so grown up most of the time, but every so often I catch a glimpse of her still looking like a little girl.

Henry: The only thing cuter than a baby in a wondersuit? A baby in a wondersuit who keeps sitting in a basket!

Playing along with Jodi's '52' project.. Do you play along too?

40/52

Does anyone else feel like the weeks are just flying by at the moment? I feel like I just posted 39/52 and here we are again..

Henry: It rained every day last week and our living room looked like a chinese laundry for the entire week. Henry thought it was the best thing ever.. the clothes rack became a cubby-house and the kids spent hours hanging out under the laundry.

Sophie: Every single day I get told "Your daughter looks so much like you".. I don't see it at all.

Playing along with Jodi's 52 project.

39/52

Henry: Exploring as usual. His little finger ready to point at the next thing that captures his eye.
Sophie: Cuddles with Granny. Is there anything better?

Playing along with Jodi's '52 project'

37/52

Okay so I had planned to join in with Jodi's 52 project every week this year but, well, life got in the way.. So here is my second set of photos. Hopefully I'll be able to join in a bit more regularly from now on.

Sophie: Playing with her cousin Ella who is a few months younger than her.. these two are going to have so much fun growing up together!

Henry: Such a little cutie.. growing up so fast!

M.I.A

When you start getting messages from people you don't know asking if you are okay it's probably time to write a post.

Life has just been so busy and I find myself wondering how anyone with kids (especially a baby) finds the time to blog at all.

I barely have time to sit down at all these days.. managing to shower and make dinner is cause for celebration at the moment and once the kids are in bed I am lucky if I can even find the energy to brush my teeth!

I have considered giving up on blogging altogether.. there are so many people who are so much better at it than me and I sometimes wonder if it's a waste of my time.. Maybe I would be better off using my time to sit down with a cup of tea and a good book at the end of the day rather than staring at the computer.
(Although I have to admit that this is the first time I have used the computer in weeks, months even!)

Henry is doing so well.. he is just such a sweet little boy but has currently decided that sleeping is not his thing. Yeah, that sucks. Sophie is just loving being a full time school girl and we are slowly getting into the whole school routine.

I'll leave you with a picture of those two little possums that I took today.

I can't believe I'm still awake!

4/52

I have finally got around to posting a photo of my kids for 4/52.
(For those who don't follow Jodi's wonderful blog it's where you post a picture of your kids once a week for a year.)

It's such a brilliant idea and it will be so nice to look back over the photos at the end of the year and see just how much they have grown.


'4/52: Future photographer?'

Five!

My (not so) little girl turned 5 two days after Christmas. I can not believe that we have a FIVE year old! It seems like it was only yesterday that she was toddling around in a nappy and now she is about to start full time school!

I wish that I could rewind a few years and re-live her 3rd and 4th year all over again. I often worry that I spent that whole time so depressed after losing Grace and then so consumed with trying to fall pregnant again that I was not really the best mother during those years. I was so focused on what I had lost and what I didn't have that I forgot to enjoy the things I did have.. like my beautiful little girl.

Luckily, she has still managed to grow into a gorgeous little girl and even though she has given us a run for our money since Henry was born we still feel so lucky to have her every single day!

Happy birthday my darling girl.. I hope being five is loads of fun! Xx

Expectations -the age gap

I can remember when I fell pregnant with Grace in 2010 (and had already had two miscarriages and taken longer to fall pregnant than expected) I would complain to friends about how the age gap between Sophie and baby number 2 would be so big (it would have been three and a half years if Grace had survived).
It seems ridiculous to me now that I used to complain about the age gap back then -as the age gap between our kids will now be almost 5 years.

It's taken me a long time to come to terms with what the age gap will be between our kids, and it's not because I believe there is a 'right' age gap at all, I can see the benefits of having kids close together and far apart. The thing that has bothered me so much is that I had expected to have kids close together and the hard thing has been learning to adjust to the way that life turned out rather than how I expected it to be.

We started trying for another baby when Sophie was a 1 year old and sometimes I can't believe that here we are, all these years later still waiting for another (living) baby to arrive. It was so hard for me to watch everyone else go on to have baby number two and even baby number three while I was still desperately trying to fall pregnant or stay pregnant. I felt sorry for Sophie because she wanted a little brother or sister so badly and although I knew I was lucky to have her, I really felt like I was being left behind. Especially after I fell pregnant so easily with Sophie, it was such a shock when it became so, so difficult the second time around.

I know that there will be so many benefits to having such a big gap between kids.. Sophie will be able to help with so many things and because she will be at school full time next year I will have so much one-on-one time with the little man.  I know that it will be great and I am not worried about the age gap anymore, but before I fell pregnant it was crazy how it use to eat me up inside. I sometimes laugh when people tell me how many kids they are going to have or what age-gap they plan on having because I have learnt that sometimes we just have no control over these things at all.

I guess at the end of the day you love the kids you end up with so much that you can't imagine life any other way.



*Photo of Sophie - who has had enough of photos!

On getting dressed.. Or not.

Ever since Sophie was old enough to talk (and maybe even before then) she has had very strong opinions about how she is going to dress.

The problem is that every morning has become an absolute struggle.. multiple outfit changes, tantrums, the entire contents of her wardrobe emptied across her bedroom floor and sometimes even after an hour of trying to get her dressed we are still no closer to getting her out the door.

While I am happy than my little girl has a strong sense of what she likes and does not like, I have no idea where this behaviour originated from.. I like nice clothes as much as the rest of us, but I usually throw on the first clean thing I find (which is usually jeans, a stripy top and my converse) and don't give it a second thought. I have no idea how she became so obsessed with clothes and how she looks and it does worry me a little.

A few nights ago she had a tantrum because her "pyjamas looked silly". I explained to her that it did not matter what her pyjamas looked like as she would be tucked up in her bed all night and the most important thing is that they are warm and cosy.. no-one cares what your pyjamas look like! But she was not convinced and that is what worries me.. how did this little girl learn to place so much value on how she looks? Is this something she will grow out of or is it the beginning of lifelong belief that our physical looks define our worth as a person (my gosh I hope not!)

I should add here that while we often tell Sophie that she looks lovely or how gorgeous she is (if you have a little girl it's impossible not too),  but we have always been very careful not to emphasise it too much and we are always trying to encourage self-worth based on non-physical attributes, such as "we were very proud of how well you played with your friends today at the park, Well done!" or "I really love this painting you did at school today, Can you tell me more about it?" (I'm reading a book at the moment about adding open ended questions onto the end of a statement when praising children.. but that's a post for another time).

Aside from what ever worries I have about my daughter's sense of self-worth, it's really the stress of each morning that is becoming a problem. We have tried choosing an outfit together the night before, we have tried laying out 3 possible (weather appropriate) choices and asking her to choose one, we have tried everything short of putting locks on her wardrobe!

And on the days when she manages to choose an outfit and get dressed without any complaining, you can be assured that an hour later she will be found up in her room.. getting changed again! (And again at lunch time, and again before going to the park, and again before dinner.. No wonder Tom feels like he spends his whole life doing laundry!)

la petit magazine

If you like pictures of super pretty kids wearing clothes you can't afford..
Then check out the latest issue of 'la petit magazine'.

(I'm only joking.. I do love this online kids magazine).

*Photo via 'la petit magazine'

So what does mummy do for fun?

Sophie just came home from kindy with my mother's day treats..
I got a lovely tea towel that had drawings by all the kids printed on it, a laminated drawing that I can use as a placemat if the urge strikes, a delicious chocolate shortbread cookie (I know it was delicious because I ate it already), a vase with flowers made from an old glass bottle, a bracelet painted by Sophie and a very funny note..




I was in hysterics reading it. I love that Sophie thinks I am 13 or 15.
Sophie's school had a special mother's day afternoon tea and concert and she was so upset that I could not go, but I sent Tom's mum along instead so at least she had someone there..

I hope you have a lovely mother's day planned (or being planned for you)..
I am pretty sure I will get breakfast in bed this year (as I have had every day for the last 3 months!)

Two

I love looking back at old pictures of Sophie. I really can't believe that I have a primary school kid already!
She just grew up so fast!

Slow down little one!

Let the sunshine in

The new print issue of Papier Mache magazine is out now.
I feel compelled to buy two issues.. one to keep and one to cut up for inspiration.