08 November 2013

the pigeon pair

Sophie and Henry

I've been thinking lately about having another baby. Well, not so much about having another baby, but if we will have another baby.. or not.

I always thought we would have another baby one day. Even though after Henry was born I said "I am never doing that again!" I quickly changed my mind once the memory of the birth faded away. But in the last few weeks, I have found myself for the first time, wondering if maybe two is enough for us.

It's funny because during the last year Henry has been a terrible sleeper.. I have barely managed to make it though each day, yet throughout all that time I was still sure that we would do it all again one day.
It was about a month ago that Henry finally started sleeping a bit better and around the same time I wondered, for the first time, if we could actually do it all again. The idea of having another baby became a "maybe" not a "definitely" when people asked. It's almost like things finally started to get a bit easier.. I could see the light at the end of the sleep-deprivation tunnel and I thought.. "I'm not sure if I could do that again".

Some people (like my mum) are shocked that we would even consider having another child. You see.. it's not quite as simple for us as it is for other people (I would need another cervical suture and would possibly be on bed-rest again) not to mention the trouble we have had even falling pregnant.
The other consideration is that I'm just not sure if I could do it all again.. Physically or mentally!
Having babies (the pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights and breastfeeding) seem to leave me feeling like a shell of my former self.. I'm becoming more bedraggled by the day I think!

There is also the environmental point of view that the world is becoming overpopulated and we all need to have less kids not more. My mum is a big believer of this view (even though she popped out half a football team herself! But I guess things were different back then).
I always thought that it was better to have three kids who were brought up to be environmentally conscious than one kids brought up as a thoughtless consumer with no consideration for the environment but I don't know.. maybe my mum is right? (They usually are aren't they?!)

But of course, the amount of joy that babies bring is incomparable and kids really do fill the house with joy (most of the time). Luckily, Tom is happy either way.. he would be happy if we stopped at two and equally happy to have another.. so the ball is really in my court.
I guess that I'm lucky I have time on my side and I don't have to make the decision right this moment.. I can wait and see how I feel in a year or so.

So tell me.. How many kids do you have? How did you know when your family was complete? I'd love to know!


Anonymous said...

This post could have been me a couple of months ago!!! I have a nearly 6 year old and a nearly 2 year old. After a late miscarriage between my two children I was scared to get pregnant again so had a bit of a gap. Once I had my second child I was 100% certain I wanted another, despite my second child waking 8 times a night for the first 14 months. Then my baby was unlucky enough to spend months 14-17 in and out of hospital for various (luckily curable) serious illnesses. During all this time I was still certain I wanted more. Then at 17 months the baby started sleeping. Waking only once a night. After a month of this we started going out at night again and seeing friends more often. Life became easier. I felt more myself. I realised how 'not myself' I had been for the past 18 months. I started to question whether I wanted another. However, 4 months of sleep in and I am back on the baby wagon! I want another, desperately! I have gotten back the perspective of how short that 18 months of being 'not yourself' really is and how there will be light at the end of the tunnel next time too. I totally agree with you on the environmental aspect. That preys on my mind too... it's tough to balance selfish desires with the good of the planet!!! Good luck with whatever you decide... Hopefully I will be having another one at some stage, fingers crossed xx

Imogen Eve said...

I am very lucky. I have my three. It was always going to be three.

My youngest is two and a half months, my oldest is just over three.

I was one of three myself, I had a happy childhood and I value my sisters' friendship beyond belief. I think in some way, I wanted to try and recreate that with my own children.

The other day Rodge and I started discussing what we would name our 4th – and had to stop. He doesn't mind either way, but I've made up my mind. There will definitely be no 4th. I don't think I could go there, mentally, emotionally, physically, it is intense and exhausting.

Take your time deciding and best of luck. x

Imogen Eve said...

ps what a gorgeous photo of your two, they are simply adorable.

Jude T said...

It's so tough to know! We've only just begun our family (9 month old boy). I'd always thought I wanted three, but ... This Mumma business is harder than I thought!

Amanda said...

I know exactly where your thoughts are at Katie :) We never had any real set number of children we wanted but long ago, there had been thoughts that it wasn't out of the question we'd try for a third. Nowadays, we both know wholeheartedly that we are content with our two girls and that our family is definitely complete. Falling pregnant with both my girls (as you know) was such a challenge in itself with us going through IVF both times, a process which I found both mentally and physically tough. After Sophie and a rough few months until we eventually got to the bottom of her unsettledness and then, once we began getting some decent sleep, things began to get easier. For me, not just the process of falling pregnant, but also the pregnancy and the 13 months of breastfeeding, I felt have definitely taken a toll on me physically. Your line about feeling the same way is one I could have penned myself! For us, two is the right number :) I hope you come to a decision you're happy with Katie xx

Reannon Hope said...

Hi Katie. I've just rediscovered your blog & had to post a comment about this topic!
I had my first baby just before I was 21. I miscarried at 22 & at 23 had my second baby. I thought I was done, happy with my two boys & ready to shut shop.
By 31 I was sick of being on the pill so told my husband it was time for the snip & he replied with" but I think I want more kids." I was BLOWN AWAY!! We talked & decided to give it a shot. I miscarried twice & decided to try once more. I finally got pregnant & got passed the dreaded 12 weeks only to be hit with the news that the baby was high risk trisomy 21 & 18. I was gutted, stressed & out of my mind with worry. But in April this year, just 5 days after I turned 34 I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy. We were beyond happy & I knew right away we'd try for a fourth.
I guess what I wanted to say was never say never. The saying " the days are long but the years are short" is never more true than when your kids are babies. Every morning I wake up tired from getting up 2,4,6 times a night with my baby & I look at my big boys & remind myself they do learn to sleep....

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