the pigeon pair

I've been thinking lately about having another baby. Well, not so much about having another baby, but if we will have another baby.. or not.

I always thought we would have another baby one day. Even though after Henry was born I said "I am never doing that again!" I quickly changed my mind once the memory of the birth faded away. But in the last few weeks, I have found myself for the first time, wondering if maybe two is enough for us.

It's funny because during the last year Henry has been a terrible sleeper.. I have barely managed to make it though each day, yet throughout all that time I was still sure that we would do it all again one day.
It was about a month ago that Henry finally started sleeping a bit better and around the same time I wondered, for the first time, if we could actually do it all again. The idea of having another baby became a "maybe" not a "definitely" when people asked. It's almost like things finally started to get a bit easier.. I could see the light at the end of the sleep-deprivation tunnel and I thought.. "I'm not sure if I could do that again".

Some people (like my mum) are shocked that we would even consider having another child. You see.. it's not quite as simple for us as it is for other people (I would need another cervical suture and would possibly be on bed-rest again) not to mention the trouble we have had even falling pregnant.
The other consideration is that I'm just not sure if I could do it all again.. Physically or mentally!
Having babies (the pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights and breastfeeding) seem to leave me feeling like a shell of my former self.. I'm becoming more bedraggled by the day I think!

There is also the environmental point of view that the world is becoming overpopulated and we all need to have less kids not more. My mum is a big believer of this view (even though she popped out half a football team herself! But I guess things were different back then).
I always thought that it was better to have three kids who were brought up to be environmentally conscious than one kids brought up as a thoughtless consumer with no consideration for the environment but I don't know.. maybe my mum is right? (They usually are aren't they?!)

But of course, the amount of joy that babies bring is incomparable and kids really do fill the house with joy (most of the time). Luckily, Tom is happy either way.. he would be happy if we stopped at two and equally happy to have another.. so the ball is really in my court.
I guess that I'm lucky I have time on my side and I don't have to make the decision right this moment.. I can wait and see how I feel in a year or so.

So tell me.. How many kids do you have? How did you know when your family was complete? I'd love to know!

Approaching life..

I am really looking forward to having a blog that is actually full of delicious homemade food, pictures of all the delicious veggies we grow in the garden and post after post of all the pretty things I make on my sewing machine.

I am not sure if it because I am feeling so incredibly lucky at the moment or if it was the 5 months of full bed rest that did it, but for some reason I am feeling so motivated to approach life with absolute energy and passion at the moment.

I keep imagining life in our new house, with our new gorgeous baby and me.. unlike I have ever been before.. A new version of 'me' that is organised and motivated and has a new passion for life and motherhood and creating a wonderful loving home. Someone who shops at the local farmers markets and cooks delicious homemade meals from scratch, spends her time gardening and sewing and being absorbed in every moment with her kids. Someone who has the laundry sorted and the house clean and has time to bake muffins before playgroup in the morning. I imagine dancing around the house at 5pm with my kids laughing and happy and having fun because I will have prepared dinner at 10am instead of thinking about what to make at 6.45pm. I will be a better mother, a better wife and a better friend.

But then reality sets in..

I will be tired. Really tired. I will have a newborn. I will have a 4 year old who has to deal with moving house, changing schools and getting a new sibling all in the same month. I will have a husband that now takes an hour to get home from work instead of 10 minutes. I will be really out of shape after spending majority of the last 9 months in bed and I will probably spend most of the day in my pyjamas..

But you know what? I am okay with that. I'm more than okay with that..

I am going to spend every second just savouring that newborn goodness while eating take away in a house that resembles a junk yard. I am going to sit there with a smile on my face and hope that the motivation to make my life look like a pinterest board is still there in 6 months time!

Yeah!

These are some of my favourite photos from Instagram.. You can follow me on Instagram if you like (@grow_cook_sew) as I may be a bit sporadic in posting over the next few weeks (You know.. moving house and having a baby and all!)