A baby boy!!!

He is finally here!
Little 'Henry Porter' was born on Saturday 8th September.
He is absoloutly adorable and we are all completely in love.

x

What a week..

Whoa.. It has been a very busy week!
We officially became proud first home owners on Monday. We picked up the keys an hour after settlement and went and had a picnic on the floor of our new (and empty) home. My gosh, I can not wait till we move in!
On Wednesday we moved all our furniture (that had been sitting in storage for the last 18 months) into the house and the plan is to spend this weekend unpacking and setting up the house so that we can move straight in as soon as baby arrives.

And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one week.. this morning I went and had my cervical stitch removed. I can't tell you how relieved I am to have made it to this point and how exciting it is to be so close to meeting this little man. (I will be 37 weeks on Saturday).
I went from 0 to 3cm dilated within 10 seconds of the stitch being removed. Apparently about 90% of women go into labour within 24 hours.. I have had contractions on and off all day and my doctor thinks I will be back at the hospital pretty soon.
I was so excited last night (and a little nervous) that I could hardly sleep.
The hospital bag is packed, the grandparents are on call..

And now.. we just wait! Eek!

(This photo was taken at 33 weeks.. I can't believe my belly is even bigger now. and my face is even rounder!)

On the home stretch now..

I had an appointment with my obstetrician yesterday and it looks like this little baby might be arriving sooner rather than later, of course its impossible to predict these things but judging by the ultrasound I had and the contractions I have been having, it looks like things are getting ready to happen.

I will be 32 weeks tomorrow which is over the really risky stage but could still mean up to two months in neonatal care if this little man does decide to come now, so we are really hoping that he stays put for another month at least.

I have to go into hospital tomorrow to have steroid injections to help speed up his lung development. I'm a little nervous as I don't particularly like the thought of giving steroids to an unborn baby, and am a little worried about the (unknown) long term effects of un-naturally speeding up development. But like many other decisions I have made in this pregnancy, I have learnt to accept that science and medicine sometimes do have a (very valuable) place in pregnancy and childbirth. I also trust my obstetrician that this is going to give our baby the best possible chance if he does decide to come early.

In other news, Sophie has been on school holidays for the last two weeks (which may explain why this baby might come early.. it's impossible to lie in bed 24 hours a day with a 4 year old running around!)
I have had such a lovely time with her, she is really starting to turn into a proper little person. Watching her learn to read and write is so exciting and I can see her growing up more and more each day.
She is so excited about having a little brother and I know she is going to be such a great big sister.
Very exciting times ahead..

Relief

It always amazes me how life can be so good one day and feel so hopeless the next or vice-versa.

I had a really bad week this week. I was anxiously waiting for an ultrasound that we had yesterday and had been experiencing some really bad tightenings/ contractions and a terrible lower back ache.. I was so worried that I was going into labour and it really could not have been at a worse time because at 24 weeks gestation most babies who are born (and survive) are left with terrible brain damage and are usually blind and deaf.

(It's actually amazing how a baby born at 24 weeks has so little chance of survival and by 28 weeks most babies not only survive but grow up without any long term side effects/ health problems.. Every single day matters at this point).

But luckily, our ultrasound yesterday showed a beautiful healthy little boy and a cervix that is still very long and closed.. no sign of any problems at all!

I can't tell you what relief it was to hear them say "long and closed". It's funny how my whole world now revolves around the length of my cervix!

So.. just a few more weeks and we will be over the scary part! And after my ultrasound yesterday, we are feeling very confident that we will get there..

3 more weeks!! Come on!

*This is a photo of a shadow that came into my bedroom yesterday through my square sunlight?! How cool is that!

Mummy. In bed.

Sophie drew me this picture yesterday. It's me at home in bed. Of course!

Someone asked yesterday what 'bed rest' actually means. My Obstetrician likes to call it "Full bed rest with toilet and shower privileges". It means that I have to spend every second in bed but I am allowed to get up to go to the toilet and have one short shower per day. (In hospital I was on bed rest with no toilet or shower privileges.. Oh boy, I don't want to see another bed pan as long as I live!)

When I am in bed I have to be lying down flat. For me, sitting up is just as bad as standing up.
The reason is because they think I have a condition called 'Incompetent Cervix' and they believe that it is the weight of the baby pressing down on your cervix that causes it to open prematurely. So the rationale is that if you have no weight on your cervix (by not standing or sitting up) then the cervix will stay closed until full term. That along with the cervical stitch is what will hopefully keep me pregnant for another 20 weeks or so.

I've been in bed for 34 days now. I have to admit that I am feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago. I guess I have just settled into the routine and accepted the fact that I need someone to help me do everything (bring me every meal etc.) I am enjoying the cool change here in Perth and it is nice to have the endless time to read and knit and do all those things that a busy life does not usually allow for.

I do miss going outside. Terribly. Sophie learnt to ride a bike on the weekend and she was so upset that I could not come to the park and see her ride. My body is getting sore and I feel like I could run a marathon because my legs are so restless. My muscles will deteriorate over the next few months and I have been told that even walking around the block will be a challenge for me once the baby is born (due to lost heart and lung capacity).

But, I have survived the first month and only five more to go. I know that it will be worth every second at the end and I'm trying to remind myself that one day I will be getting up all night with a newborn and  will wish that I could do nothing but lie in bed all day.. may as well enjoy it while I can!

Perfect.

The strangest thing just happened to me.
I was lying in bed (of course!) and looking up pregnancy books on my iPad (iBooks).
I came across a book called 'High risk pregnancy - Why Me?' It was written by a woman in the US who had a little boy that was stillborn at 22 weeks, and later she went on to have 2 successful full-term pregnancies.

Her book is half emotional support for people dealing with cervical stitches, best rest and the worry that comes after having a premature stillborn baby and half a medical reference guide, as she has spent the last 4 years researching everything to do with premature labour, incompetent cervix, the benefits of bed rest etc.

This is the blurb from the back of the book:

'You're tired, stressed and frustrated. Bed rest seems like a life sentence, and worry drowns out the voice of hope. However, through her own emotional story, Author Kelly Whitehead will help you understand that it's possible to manage during a high-risk pregnancy.
'High-Risk Pregnancy - Why Me?' gives you the emotional reassurance and medical guidance necessary to face - and even enjoy - a high risk pregnancy.
Designed as the comprehensive guide for possible preterm mothers, their families and doctors, 'Why Me?' lays out the relevant medical information in an easy-to-understand format because it's written for you - a mother at risk of an early delivery.'

Could there be a book that is more perfect for me? I feel like it was written for me personally!
Crazy.

If you know anyone who is going through a high risk pregnancy (or planning to) please forward this post or send them the link to the website, as I know I would be so grateful if someone had sent it to me.

Random photo of some flowers that Sophie picked for me on her way home from school one day.

Now and then

I have been thinking a lot about pregnancy lately (fancy that?) I have been thinking about how incredibly different it was being pregnant with Sophie. A pregnancy free from worry, a pregnancy that was full of joy and wonder.. and no stress.

I fell pregnant with Sophie a few weeks months after I met Tom. It was a very big surprise (as you can imagine, but one that just felt right). I had the easiest pregnancy (other than a bit of morning sickness in the first few months) and spent the entire pregnancy dreaming about the little baby I would meet at the end. Because being pregnant means that you get a baby at the end, of course.

I was super healthy (other than the strange cheeseburger cravings at 2am), I went to pre-natal yoga twice a week, I walked down to Bondi Beach and went swimming almost every day during summer, I drank fresh juice every morning, I crapped on about how my kids will never have plastic toys or watch tv (so, so ignorant) and I don't think I saw a single doctor during the entire pregnancy.

I gave birth at the local birth centre with a midwife and after a natural 4 hour labour (I mean 4 hours from being fast asleep thinking I had 10 days or so left.. to holding a little baby in my arms. It was so quick!) I went home the same day.

Tom and I thought that this whole baby making thing was pretty damn easy.

And then life had other plans.

The last 3 years or so have been filled with loss and longing. I have spent every single day during that time desperately trying to fall pregnant or desperately trying to stay pregnant. There has not been a single day when I have had relief from those thoughts.

So now I am pregnant for the 5th time. I have seen more doctors than I can count, I have been hospitalised, went through surgery, had more hormones/ pain killers/ antibiotics etc. pumped into my body than I have had in my whole life, had more blood tests, ultrasounds (10 at last count), tests, tubes, monitors.. you name it.

But, the biggest difference? The fear. The fear that haunts you every day. The worry. The Anxiety. The what ifs? The unknown.

The hope. The hope that things will work out this time.


/Photo of me 35 weeks pregnant with Sophie/

A new rhythm

I've been in bed for 5 days now and, well, I'm going a little crazy. Tom thinks that it is difficult at the moment because it's such an adjustment from being able to walk around all day and things will get easier as I get used to my days in bed and find some sort of rhythm to my time. Tom also thinks its a fabulous opportunity.. he thinks I am lucky! He keeps telling me to think of all the things I could do if I really put my mind to it.. learn another language, study evolutionary biology, study the history of art, read all the classics, etc. etc. (These are all the things that Tom would like to do I think!)

I think the reason I am finding it hard is because I feel perfectly fine. It feels really strange to be lying in bed all day when you are perfectly healthy.. and boy, do I miss going outside! But.. It will all be worth it in the end. I daydream every day about giving birth to a healthy full-term baby.. It is going to be the best moment of my life!

I have been filling my days reading, watching movies, knitting and playing with Sophie (reading books, doing puzzles).. And quite a bit of sleeping.
It's funny, so many of my friends (especially the ones with two or more kids) said that spending time in bed, while your husband brings you food and drinks sounded like paradise. I agree with them, but I think 2 weeks in bed might be a nice relaxing break, but 6 months? That's going to be a little tricky!


P.s Does anyone know where I can buy knitting, crochet and embroidery supplies online?

Let the rest begin!

Phew! We are certainly glad that the stitch is in and everything went well. It's like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders!

We felt very relaxed going into hospital. It felt like months of anxiety had come to an end, even though we were hours away from the surgery. I felt fine right up until the moment I got wheeled into pre-surgery and had to say goodbye to Tom. I asked the anesthetist if there were any risks having a general anaesthetic while pregnant and she said "Do you need to have the stitch?" "Um, yes" "Do you want to bite on a piece of wood during the surgery?" "Um, no" "Okay, then don't worry about the risks".
Gulp.

I got taken into the operating room and got asked to count to 10 while the anesthetist administered the anaesthetic and a team of nurses started inserting tubes and sticking wires all over me. I got to 4.

I woke up in post-surgery and was shaking like crazy so a nurse covered me in warm blankets and gave me oxygen. I realised I was in the worst pain but it was exactly like my obstetrician (Ob) described it would be, so I tried not to worry.
I was taken back up to my room where Tom was waiting and he said that my Ob had called him straight after the surgery and told him it went very well. My Ob came up a few hours later and did an ultrasound to show me that all was well.. Boy, it was such a relief to see that little baby still wriggling around!

I spent the next few days being monitored to make sure my cervix did not 'react' to the stitch. I was given more pain killers in that 48 hours than I have ever had in my life. I was so worried and I had to ask about 10 people "Are you sure this is safe to take while pregnant?" before I took anything.

Just before I was about to go home I felt quite short of breath and I casually mentioned to the nurse that I was having trouble breathing.. all of a sudden I had about 10 doctors in the room, cords attached all over me and was rushed down to the cardiac ward. Tom rushed to the hospital and the cardiologist told us that they were just waiting for tests to see if I had had a heart attack or a blot clot in my lung. I thought all I said is that 'I was a little out of breath' and all of a sudden there were alarms going off. We were told by the nurse that most likely everything is fine, you just need to be extra cautious when someone has come out of surgery. We finally got the all clear and were allowed to go home.

And now.. 270 days of bed rest!

For some strange reason (lets call it boredom) Tom decided to take pictures of me every few minutes. Glad we have that experience captured so persistently.

A quick update

Hi Everyone. I'm just about to leave for the hospital but I just wanted to say thank you for all the lovely comments and emails I have received. I had my 12 week scan yesterday and everything looks great (there is a very lovely little bubba wiggling around in my tummy)!

We also had a long chat with my obstetrician and strangely, we are feeling more relaxed about the surgery today than we have ever been. We are in such good hands and we are feeling quite confident that things will go well. I also found out that I will be going under a general anaesthetic today and I am actually quite relieved that I don't have to be awake while a doctor threads a needle in and out of my cervix! Ouch!

I also wanted to say sorry if you sent me an email and I have not replied yet. I realised a few days ago that I will not be getting out of bed for the next 6 months and all of a sudden I had a million things to do! I will get back to everyone in the next few days (I'm going to have quite a bit of time on my hands after all!)

Thanks again for all you thoughts and kind wishes.
Xxx