down on the farm

Every second weekend or so we like to head up to the farm where Tom's parents live. Only it's not really a farm.. there are grape vines at the front of the property and horse paddocks at the back but saying "we are just heading up to the vineyard darh-ling" always sounded a bit hoity-toity so we just call it 'the farm'.

The farm is in the swan valley, about 45 minutes from Perth. Tom's parents (well, mum and step-dad) moved up here about 6 years ago when the sold their house in the city and were looking for a more relaxed way of life. We feel so lucky that we have this little get away so close to us.. we drive for less than an hour yet once we get there we feel like we are a million miles away from the city.

Tom's mum has the most amazing veggie patch. Her veggie patch alone could take up a whole post!
There are 4 horses on the property (at one point they had 12!) including a little two week old foal. We collect eggs from the chickens, which is always lots of fun for Sophie and her cousin Ella as the chooks are allowed to wonder around the farm during the day so they always lay their eggs in strange places (this time on a bale of hay in the stables). We make lunch from the food harvested from the garden.. potatoes, lettuce, broad beans, beetroot, corn.. whatever is ready to eat!

Sometimes when I'm having one of those horrible evenings -when two kids are screaming and the house is a mess and you're trying to cook dinner and the washing machine decides to explode all over the floor when I think 'I wish Tom's mum lived around the corner!' but then we drive up to the farm on the weekend and I am so glad they live out here and we get to visit.

Are you lucky enough to have a home away from home?

the pigeon pair

I've been thinking lately about having another baby. Well, not so much about having another baby, but if we will have another baby.. or not.

I always thought we would have another baby one day. Even though after Henry was born I said "I am never doing that again!" I quickly changed my mind once the memory of the birth faded away. But in the last few weeks, I have found myself for the first time, wondering if maybe two is enough for us.

It's funny because during the last year Henry has been a terrible sleeper.. I have barely managed to make it though each day, yet throughout all that time I was still sure that we would do it all again one day.
It was about a month ago that Henry finally started sleeping a bit better and around the same time I wondered, for the first time, if we could actually do it all again. The idea of having another baby became a "maybe" not a "definitely" when people asked. It's almost like things finally started to get a bit easier.. I could see the light at the end of the sleep-deprivation tunnel and I thought.. "I'm not sure if I could do that again".

Some people (like my mum) are shocked that we would even consider having another child. You see.. it's not quite as simple for us as it is for other people (I would need another cervical suture and would possibly be on bed-rest again) not to mention the trouble we have had even falling pregnant.
The other consideration is that I'm just not sure if I could do it all again.. Physically or mentally!
Having babies (the pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights and breastfeeding) seem to leave me feeling like a shell of my former self.. I'm becoming more bedraggled by the day I think!

There is also the environmental point of view that the world is becoming overpopulated and we all need to have less kids not more. My mum is a big believer of this view (even though she popped out half a football team herself! But I guess things were different back then).
I always thought that it was better to have three kids who were brought up to be environmentally conscious than one kids brought up as a thoughtless consumer with no consideration for the environment but I don't know.. maybe my mum is right? (They usually are aren't they?!)

But of course, the amount of joy that babies bring is incomparable and kids really do fill the house with joy (most of the time). Luckily, Tom is happy either way.. he would be happy if we stopped at two and equally happy to have another.. so the ball is really in my court.
I guess that I'm lucky I have time on my side and I don't have to make the decision right this moment.. I can wait and see how I feel in a year or so.

So tell me.. How many kids do you have? How did you know when your family was complete? I'd love to know!

39/52

Henry: Exploring as usual. His little finger ready to point at the next thing that captures his eye.
Sophie: Cuddles with Granny. Is there anything better?

Playing along with Jodi's '52 project'

Sydney

We recently went on a holiday* to Sydney and Hobart. We spent a week in each city visiting my folks (My Dad is in Sydney and my Mum recently moved to Hobart).

It's a strange feeling going back to Sydney.

I spent 28 years of my life living in Sydney but have spent the last 2 years living in Perth.
I love Perth, I'm so glad we moved here, it's definitely my home now and I have never had the slightest sense of regret about leaving Sydney until, of course, I went back.

Sydney is such an amazing city. I would be lying if I said that I didnt get stabbing pains in my heart thinking about how much I miss living there. (Okay, well maybe it was not quite that dramatic but you know what I mean!)

I didn't actually get much time to visit any of my old favourite places as my dad is very ill and I spent most of my time visiting him (He had not seen Sophie for almost two years and had not met Henry yet so it was lovely for them to see their Opa) but I really hope to go back to Sydney soon and spend hours wondering around my old haunts.

*I'm not really sure that you can call it a holiday when 48 hours before you are due to fly out your husband calls from work and says "I now have to go to Hong Kong for 3 weeks INSTEAD".. I don't think flying around Australia with two kids on your own counts as a holiday does it?!  No, probably not.

Merry Christmas!

Hope you all had a fantastic day x

8 Weeks

I can't believe that little Henry is 8 weeks old already! He is such a wonderful little baby.. so happy and sleeping so well at night. He is sleeping about 8 hours straight most nights, which is almost unbelievable to me as Sophie was still waking up two or three times a night when she was 9 months old!

Sophie is starting to settle down a bit. She is still a bit of a terror at the moment but with Henry sleeping so well I feel that I am able to cope with her behaviour a bit more (everything is so much harder when you are sleep deprived!)

We are still spending most of our days at home and trying not to venture out too far. Walking Sophie to school or visiting a friend who lives nearby is as far as I go most days. I wish that I could say that I have been busy making delicious things in the kitchen and pottering around in the garden, but the reality is that trying to have a shower, organise something for dinner and keep the house from looking like a complete mess takes up majority of my day.

(Does anyone else feel like they spend their entire life cleaning up? Sometimes I only just finish the dishes from lunch and it's time to start making dinner! Someone told me the other day that cleaning a house with kids is like trying to brush your teeth with a mouth full of Oreos! Haha.. it's so true!)

I have a new found respect for my friends that have two or more kids -it is hard, but at the same time I would not change it for the world!

Sophie and Henry!

Henry is 18 days old now.
I still can't actually believe that he is finally here!

We are doing well.. just trying to take it as easy as possible and spending our days at home pottering around. I'm quite sleep deprived and surviving on copious cups of tea during the day, but that's to be expected with a 2 week old!
Sophie has started her new school which is just down the street from our new house and I'm still mastering the art of getting out the door with two little ones. She has been 45 minutes late for school every day this week, but practice makes perfect I guess!

We still have no internet at the new house which is why I have not been posting as often as usual (well, that and the fact that I am too busy staring at Henry instead of the computer screen!) but hopefully I'll be able to post 1000 pictures of him shortly..

Approaching life..

I am really looking forward to having a blog that is actually full of delicious homemade food, pictures of all the delicious veggies we grow in the garden and post after post of all the pretty things I make on my sewing machine.

I am not sure if it because I am feeling so incredibly lucky at the moment or if it was the 5 months of full bed rest that did it, but for some reason I am feeling so motivated to approach life with absolute energy and passion at the moment.

I keep imagining life in our new house, with our new gorgeous baby and me.. unlike I have ever been before.. A new version of 'me' that is organised and motivated and has a new passion for life and motherhood and creating a wonderful loving home. Someone who shops at the local farmers markets and cooks delicious homemade meals from scratch, spends her time gardening and sewing and being absorbed in every moment with her kids. Someone who has the laundry sorted and the house clean and has time to bake muffins before playgroup in the morning. I imagine dancing around the house at 5pm with my kids laughing and happy and having fun because I will have prepared dinner at 10am instead of thinking about what to make at 6.45pm. I will be a better mother, a better wife and a better friend.

But then reality sets in..

I will be tired. Really tired. I will have a newborn. I will have a 4 year old who has to deal with moving house, changing schools and getting a new sibling all in the same month. I will have a husband that now takes an hour to get home from work instead of 10 minutes. I will be really out of shape after spending majority of the last 9 months in bed and I will probably spend most of the day in my pyjamas..

But you know what? I am okay with that. I'm more than okay with that..

I am going to spend every second just savouring that newborn goodness while eating take away in a house that resembles a junk yard. I am going to sit there with a smile on my face and hope that the motivation to make my life look like a pinterest board is still there in 6 months time!

Yeah!

These are some of my favourite photos from Instagram.. You can follow me on Instagram if you like (@grow_cook_sew) as I may be a bit sporadic in posting over the next few weeks (You know.. moving house and having a baby and all!)

On the home stretch now..

I had an appointment with my obstetrician yesterday and it looks like this little baby might be arriving sooner rather than later, of course its impossible to predict these things but judging by the ultrasound I had and the contractions I have been having, it looks like things are getting ready to happen.

I will be 32 weeks tomorrow which is over the really risky stage but could still mean up to two months in neonatal care if this little man does decide to come now, so we are really hoping that he stays put for another month at least.

I have to go into hospital tomorrow to have steroid injections to help speed up his lung development. I'm a little nervous as I don't particularly like the thought of giving steroids to an unborn baby, and am a little worried about the (unknown) long term effects of un-naturally speeding up development. But like many other decisions I have made in this pregnancy, I have learnt to accept that science and medicine sometimes do have a (very valuable) place in pregnancy and childbirth. I also trust my obstetrician that this is going to give our baby the best possible chance if he does decide to come early.

In other news, Sophie has been on school holidays for the last two weeks (which may explain why this baby might come early.. it's impossible to lie in bed 24 hours a day with a 4 year old running around!)
I have had such a lovely time with her, she is really starting to turn into a proper little person. Watching her learn to read and write is so exciting and I can see her growing up more and more each day.
She is so excited about having a little brother and I know she is going to be such a great big sister.
Very exciting times ahead..

Our new home!

Less than a week after this house turned out to be a dud, another beautiful house popped up just around the corner. We went to inspect it on Monday night with Tom's dad, mum and step-dad. We put an offer in on Tuesday and yesterday found out that the owners had accepted our offer!!

I can't believe it.. This is the first house we have ever bought and the first time we had ever put an offer in. Lots of our friends had warned us that finding the right home takes months or even years of putting in offers and being knocked back.. So we were so incredibly happy (and a little in shock) to find out that our offer had been accepted and the house is (almost) ours!

I've been told that I can't celebrate just yet.. Our offer has been accepted and we have put a deposit down but until the conditions of the offer have been met and settlement occurs I can't technically call it ours, but I think that we can still pop open a little champagne (or orange juice in my case!)

I can't even begin to tell you how much of a dream come true this house is.. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would ever live in a house like this, let alone own it! I was lying in bed last night looking through the pictures of our new place (I'll post some more photos soon) and as I was lying there I could feel our little baby boy kicking in my tummy..

For the first time in a very, very long time I finally feel like life is going our way.. things are falling into place and all the stress and heartbreak of the last few years is finally starting to fade.

12 months ago we were living out of a suitcase at Tom's parents place, had just moved to a city where I didn't know a single person, were still in shock over the death of our baby girl, didn't have a cent to our names (in fact, we were in debt) and the only thing that I could think about was why I was not falling pregnant again and how I desperately longed for a little baby..

To be sitting (well, lying) here now, 28 weeks pregnant, which is over the risky stage and so close to having a healthy little baby in my arms and having just had our offer accepted on our dream house is an incredible feeling. I can't even begin to tell you how good it feels.

We may still be living with Tom's parents but it has allowed us to save up for this house and have help around while I have been on bed rest.. and it will all be so worth it.. In just a few months time we will be sitting in our new home with our darling little baby boy safely in my arms and our gorgeous little girl running around in a garden that is bigger than most of the apartments we have ever lived in!!

We are so, so close..

Expectations -the age gap

I can remember when I fell pregnant with Grace in 2010 (and had already had two miscarriages and taken longer to fall pregnant than expected) I would complain to friends about how the age gap between Sophie and baby number 2 would be so big (it would have been three and a half years if Grace had survived).
It seems ridiculous to me now that I used to complain about the age gap back then -as the age gap between our kids will now be almost 5 years.

It's taken me a long time to come to terms with what the age gap will be between our kids, and it's not because I believe there is a 'right' age gap at all, I can see the benefits of having kids close together and far apart. The thing that has bothered me so much is that I had expected to have kids close together and the hard thing has been learning to adjust to the way that life turned out rather than how I expected it to be.

We started trying for another baby when Sophie was a 1 year old and sometimes I can't believe that here we are, all these years later still waiting for another (living) baby to arrive. It was so hard for me to watch everyone else go on to have baby number two and even baby number three while I was still desperately trying to fall pregnant or stay pregnant. I felt sorry for Sophie because she wanted a little brother or sister so badly and although I knew I was lucky to have her, I really felt like I was being left behind. Especially after I fell pregnant so easily with Sophie, it was such a shock when it became so, so difficult the second time around.

I know that there will be so many benefits to having such a big gap between kids.. Sophie will be able to help with so many things and because she will be at school full time next year I will have so much one-on-one time with the little man.  I know that it will be great and I am not worried about the age gap anymore, but before I fell pregnant it was crazy how it use to eat me up inside. I sometimes laugh when people tell me how many kids they are going to have or what age-gap they plan on having because I have learnt that sometimes we just have no control over these things at all.

I guess at the end of the day you love the kids you end up with so much that you can't imagine life any other way.



*Photo of Sophie - who has had enough of photos!

Dream house

When we lived in Sydney the idea of buying a house was a fantasy.. one that we thought might become possible in 10 years time when I was back at work and Tom's salary had doubled (wishful thinking), but like many of our friends, Tom and I had accepted that buying a house was not an option for us and resigned ourselves to be (apartment) renters for the foreseeable future.

When we moved to Perth early last year we planed to stay with Tom's dad (in the most gorgeous house that Tom had grown up in- see here) for a few weeks while we looked for somewhere to rent. After a couple of weeks looking around it became clear to us that the amount we would be paying in rent would be pretty close to having a mortgage. We spoke to the bank and realised that a small mortgage was not out of our reach at all.

The only problem was that we didn't have a deposit saved, so we decided we would stay with Tom's dad for 6 months while we put away as much money as we possibly could. (Luckily, it's a seven bedroom house so there was plenty of room for us to settle in).

It was only a few months later that we found out that the next time I fell pregnant I would have to be on full bed rest. We had only just lost Grace shortly before moving to Perth and were already desperately trying to fall pregnant again. We decided that we would stay with Tom's dad (and Tom's little sister) until I fell pregnant and while I was on bed rest as we would need SO much help once I was sentenced to 6 months in bed!

The plan would work out quite well as we would spent the whole time saving a deposit and by the time I was due to give birth we would be more than ready to buy our first home. Living with Tom's dad was easy.. we get on really well and he lives in the most beautiful suburb with the local primary school across the road and a beautiful lake about 50m from the front door (the same primary school that Tom went to as a kid and the same park that Tom played in as a child). Because Tom had grown up in the same house he felt right at home, I made lots of friends in the local area and Sophie thought that going to the same school that her dad went to was the best thing ever.

What we did not plan on is the fact that 12 months later I would still be TRYING to fall pregnant. (and that our lives were literally 'on hold' until I did).

Of course, as you all know, I finally did fall pregnant and here I am 4 months through bed rest.
It means that we will have been living with Tom's dad for almost 2 years by the time we move out. (So much for a few weeks!!)

There are days when I long for our own house, our own space and to finally have all our stuff out of storage but I am lucky that I get on with Tom's parents so well and that we have had the opportunity to save some money and live with family while I am on bed rest (and require so much help). In a funny kind of way it worked out quite well. (Well, hopefully it will when, at the end of this year, we have a beautiful little baby boy and are settled in our own home.. I feel like Tom and I won't know ourselves anymore.. it will be like all the stress of the past few years will be lifted off our shoulders).

Yesterday, our dream house popped up in the suburb we have been looking at and at the right price. It's opposite a park, 5 minutes walk from the local primary school with wooden floor boards and lots of light. Plus there is a little studio out the back.. perfect for fulfilling my ultimate fantasy.. a sewing room! (See above.. isn't she pretty?!)

I called the bank straight away. Tom is telling me not to get my hopes up to high as it is the first  house we have seriously considered and to be honest, the timing is not quite right (it would have to sit there empty until I have this baby) but...

It's pretty exciting none the less. For someone who has never lived in a house that was 'my own' (my parents could never afford to buy and we moved about 10 times in 15 years because we were in government housing) it's so exciting to be so close to finally living in a place that I can really call 'home'.

James and the giant peach

Tom and I are having such a hard time thinking of boys names. There are about 20 girls names that we both love but we are having a really hard time making a short list of boys names. We both really like quite normal, everyday names.. nothing too trendy or out of the ordinary. In fact, we seem to like the same names as everyone else because the names that we like are always in the top 20 most popular names (e.g Sophie, Grace).

I thought that maybe we could name our kids after characters in Roald Dahl books.. We already have 'Sophie' from the BFG (which was Tom's favourite book when he was little) and so we could have a 'James' from James and the giant peach (which was my favourite book when I was little)..

Then all we will need is a tortoise called Alfie!

N.B Tom didn't find my suggestion very amusing.. back to the drawing board (or baby name books) I go!
Did anyone else have a hard time choosing baby names?

*Book cover via here

So what does mummy do for fun?

Sophie just came home from kindy with my mother's day treats..
I got a lovely tea towel that had drawings by all the kids printed on it, a laminated drawing that I can use as a placemat if the urge strikes, a delicious chocolate shortbread cookie (I know it was delicious because I ate it already), a vase with flowers made from an old glass bottle, a bracelet painted by Sophie and a very funny note..




I was in hysterics reading it. I love that Sophie thinks I am 13 or 15.
Sophie's school had a special mother's day afternoon tea and concert and she was so upset that I could not go, but I sent Tom's mum along instead so at least she had someone there..

I hope you have a lovely mother's day planned (or being planned for you)..
I am pretty sure I will get breakfast in bed this year (as I have had every day for the last 3 months!)

A friend in need..

The most surprising thing about bed rest has been the people that have supported me.
So many friends say they can not believe that I am spending 6 months in bed and how amazing I am. (I don't think I am amazing.. I think anyone who has given birth to a dead baby would also do anything they can in order to prevent it from happening again without a second thought).

But I am not really the amazing one.. it's the team of people around me who have to do everything who are the amazing ones. Tom, of course has the biggest load on his shoulders.. not only has he got to do all the housework, washing, cooking, look after Sophie, get her ready and make her lunch for school every day but also make sure that I have every meal I need during the day without getting out of bed and trying to work a full time job. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have not seen him sit down in months!

Of course Tom and I knew what we were getting ourselves into and were prepared for a tough few months. But what has been surprising is the friends who have been helping me out.. Remember that I only moved to Perth last year so any friends I have here have known me for less than a year, yet they are willing to drive an hour with 3 kids in the car in order to bring me lunch, a home cooked meal so Tom does not have to cook that night and keep me company for a few hours.

The other funny thing is that some of the people (both friends and family) that I thought I would be relying on the most have not even been to visit and other people who I never thought would help (not because they did not offer but because they have young kids and work themselves) are coming over every week with a home cooked meal, magazines and yummy treats for the pregnant lady in bed!

I have been blown away by the kindness and support from those that I expected it from the least.
One of my old neighbours who I had not spoken to in 3 years send me a gift subscription to McSweeney's because she remembered that when I lived next door I used to love borrowing them off her bookshelf! The mothers at Sophie's school offered to do a roster of home cooked meals and even offered to film the mother's day afternoon tea this week so that I didn't feel left out!

I feel very lucky to have so many people thinking about me and wishing me well, not to forget all the lovely emails I get from strangers who are just letting me know that they have me in their thoughts..
So a big thank you to everyone Xx

*Photo of me and Sophie a few weeks after she was born

Two

I love looking back at old pictures of Sophie. I really can't believe that I have a primary school kid already!
She just grew up so fast!

Slow down little one!

35!

Lyon 2008.

On Thursday it was Tom's 35th birthday.
Here is a little video I took of Tom and Sophie in Lyon in 2008.
(I would have posted it a few days ago but computer said no).

Happy birthday old man!

Halfway there..

In exactly 24 hours I will be sitting in a waiting room filled with other women with lovely pregnant bellies, reading magazines that are years old and patiently waiting our turn. I will be holding Tom's hand, I'll be nervous and I'll be taking deep breaths to try and stop my heart from beating so fast. I'll be excited and scared shitless at the same time.

Tomorrow I have my 19 week ultrasound and there are two things that I can not wait to find out..
Is my cervix still long and closed? (Like it should be.. let's bloody hope so!) and will Sophie have a baby brother or sister?

I love the idea of waiting but I just can't do it.. I am dying to find out. If it is a boy it will be the first boy born in this family in 35 years. (Tom has 5 younger sisters, one of his sisters had a little girl and we have had two girls.. Tom and his dad are really outnumbered!)

So what do you think? Boy or girl?


*This is a photo of my belly a few weeks ago. Don't you think that my belly looks lopsided? I swear there was a little foot or a bum or a head poking out the side there..

Jiggity jig

Sometimes when Tom is at work I send him a message in the afternoon that just says "Jiggity?" and he replies with the time that he thinks he will be home from work that day. It started because I used to write "home again, home again, Jiggity Jig?" and somehow over the years it has just become "Jiggity?"

Anyways, we are now home again (home again, jiggity jig). We had a wonderful week up at the farm.
I was happy to be lying in a different bed for a week and Tom and Sophie had a ball getting up every morning to feed the horses and pottering about the farm during the day.

(Tom has a couple of weeks off work at the moment as he has just resigned and is starting a new job at the beginning of next month. It was a very difficult decision for him to make but we are hoping that it will turn out to be the right one.)

I spend the majority of my week at the farm with a crochet hook in my hand and had finished two baby blankets by the end of the week. I have really fallen in love with crochet.. I think because I find it soo much easier than knitting and so much quicker to produce something that is finished, although finishing something quickly is not really a priority for me at the moment! I do have quite a bit of time on my hands after all!

Confessions.

I am covered in crumbs. I have eaten every single meal in bed for the last two weeks, sometimes Sophie and Tom join me for a family picnic on the bed. There are crumbs. Lots of crumbs. It's crummy. (Yes, I'm that funny).

I actually count down the days till the next issue of Real Living comes out every month. And then I wait at the newsagent before they open on the day it comes out (I don't really because I have a subscription, but I could!)

I no longer shower every day. I don't remember the last time I shaved my legs or washed my hair. I feel so sorry for my poor husband, but really.. all I do is lie in bed all day. Do I really need to bother? I think not.
(Sophie asked me yesterday if she will get hairy legs when she is a big girl and I replied "yes" and she shuddered. True story.)

It's our wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I bought Tom something that I really want. (A set of these. Do not click on that link if you are my husband).

I told my friends that being on bed rest will be great for our savings because I will no longer do groceries every day, meet friends for coffee, go shopping or leave the house at all and they all laughed at me. I now know why. (Imagine if you could spend all day on Etsy!)

Sometimes I watch Gossip Girl. I'm so glad I got that off my chest.