02 January 2012
two thousand and twelve
Firstly, I'm really sorry for my last post. I hope that I did not scare anyone off! I really wanted to write that post before the new year so that I could start fresh in 2012. Tom was really upset to read my last post and (being the eternal optimist that he is) said "What happened was tragic. It was completely heartbreaking and always will be, but you have two choices.. You can let the grief overwhelm you and give up OR you can realise that we are so lucky in so many ways and charge ahead knowing that life is going to be great. And actually, you don't have the option of giving up because we have Sophie and she still needs her mum and dad to be full of life." (or something along those lines).
And I agree with him 100%. Now, that does not mean in anyway that I am not allowed to be sad, to feel pain, to have days when things feel hopeless.. but, it means that I need to stop living in my little bubble of 'life is really cruel to me' and start appreciating what I do have. Tom's dad actually said something to me the other day that really stuck.. he said "every single day you get closer to the day that you will be pregnant".. and that's so true! I never looked at it like that before.. but today I am closer to being pregnant than yesterday and that is great.
(I think that it's been so hard for me because when I fell pregnant with Grace I had already been trying for years to fall pregnant again and had already had two miscarriages. I thought it could not get any worse.. and that was 2 years ago! The next time I fall pregnant will be my 5th pregnancy. I will have to spend the entire pregnancy on full bed rest and have a stitch put in my cervix that has a high risk of causing a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It's actually funny that I am so obsessed with falling pregnant when that is only the very first step in a very long journey!)
So anyway, I still would like to write about Grace and infertility and all those things, but I really don't want this to be a 'dead baby blog' and I just wanted you to know that.
Secondly, These tomatoes came from Tom's mum's garden yesterday, there are hundreds of them (or at least it feels that way).. Pretty awesome hey! (Tom gives me a hard time for having a blog called Grow. Cook. Sew. when we don't actually grow anything at the moment.. so this is for him). If I was allowed to use emoticons I would insert a face with a poking out tongue here.