I read so many stories of women who have discovered their creative side after having kids, almost like motherhood re-wired their brains in some way. This was defiantly me.
While I had an appreciation for art and design before having Sophie, I was far from considering myself a creative person. It was only after Sophie was born that I realised that I could actually make things -myself.
I learnt how to sew and knit and embroider and I fell in love with the incredible satisfaction that comes with making something yourself. And I would feel such a sense of pride when people would ask where I got the pretty top that Sophie was wearing and I could say "I made it myself".
I knew as soon as I started sewing that I would love to be able to start a little business one day selling the things I make at the local markets. The desire was not to make money or share my talents (at this stage I could barely sew a straight line) but I just loved the idea of having my own little
Life, of course, had other plans and over the next few years I spent all my energy trying to fall pregnant and then trying to stay pregnant, trying to fall pregnant, trying to stay pregnant. Again and again.
After Grace died and I was having trouble falling pregnant again I needed something to take my mind of things. (There was no use going back to work because we kept thinking that I would be pregnant again soon and we knew that I would be on bed rest). Sophie had started pre-school 2 days a week and I told myself that I needed those 2 days to myself to nurture myself (so to speak) and take the time to heal and work through the grief.
I would spend my days at home, taking myself out for coffee or spending a large percentage of my husband's wage at the local fabric store. I told myself that it was good for me to have some time-out but in reality, those two days without Sophie were an excuse for me to wallow.
So, I decided that something had to be done. I could not sit around any longer just waiting to fall pregnant with my life on hold until I did. (I remember when we moved to Perth and I made an appointment to see an obstetrician that deals with high risk pregnancy and the receptionist told me that the next appointment was in 4 months time. I called Tom and told him about the wait and he said "Well that's okay.. you will be pregnant by then". That was more than a year ago.)
I put a small amount of money aside for my little business and set to work.. researching fabric suppliers, making samples, getting labels made etc. Again, I had no plans to make money or have a proper business, it was just an excuse for me to spend all my spare time sewing and to make kids clothes that I liked. I was getting very excited at the end of last year to see it all starting to come together when..
I fell pregnant. (Of course!)
Last month I packed away all the fabric, patterns, clothes and labels. Packed away my sewing machine and overlocker and shelved that dream for 'someday'.
*Of course, I am not upset that this plan is on hold at all.. I will get to it one day and in the meantime I am very busy doing much more important things.. growing a baby!